The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
