I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I want her autograph on my taint
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
