I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
