I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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