im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
