Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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