you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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