drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
