ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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