Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
