I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
