he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
