I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
