She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
