He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
