I think I died a long time ago.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize