And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
