Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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