Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Buhtt sex?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
No subtext here. People are naked.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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