no, he came in my armpit
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
