The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
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