you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
