I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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