you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Boobs are out for the taking
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize