i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
