I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
