You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize