we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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