Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Pooping to opera.
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