we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
