I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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