you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
