FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i drank out of a bidet.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
