ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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