Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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