i love accidental penises.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize