I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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