im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
