You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
