Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
