Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i think i just lost a toe
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
