dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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