Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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