im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
