Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Randomize
