remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
