So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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