This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
