Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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