So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
