gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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