FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
