I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
