Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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