she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
