I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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