you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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