I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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