The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
