I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize