I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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