I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
