i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Four minutes until I can fart!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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