We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
