dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize