Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
