I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize