3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
