Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
