Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I need moral support for this bender
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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