There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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