Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
