Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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