im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize