while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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