Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
