I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
