Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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