I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
