Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
