My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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