I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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