its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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