i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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