My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
