Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
