what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
