did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize