Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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