Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
where are my eyebrows?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
