Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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