smell my finger.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
