Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
