hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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