Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
