I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
