my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
