What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
