i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I can't put those talents on a resume
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize