I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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