then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
