I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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