Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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