I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
