try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
