And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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