I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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